Recently we spoke about the expression of power on politics and the danger this implies to a society in another post. However, there is another way that men need to express their drive of “dominance”, sex and intimacy.
Before we go into this we must understand that society and the neoliberal culture demands of men to have a good job or even better be entrepreneurs and “their own boss”. They must have more money, start investing soon and now (on 2026) we are also looksmaxxing. Penis size matters, performance must be at two digit minutes or even more.
Men (in their own heads) must perform. They must have a fancy car, be able to buy a big house. He must be a provider and be able to show this off to other people… others must see that he is the alpha male.
Alpha Male Idealism
Let’s be honest, the fact that a man was the only source of income in a family, used to be true a few decades ago (or even earlier), not now. However, this is not reality any more and the result (among others) is that this became a fantasy. Young men do not see any possible way to achieve this and for this reason, they create this imaginary “alpha male” archetype and search for easy:
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Ways to earn money
We see this in the hustle mentality, the crypto and finance bros, the industry of “you can bet on anything”, because money cannot be earned anymore. -
Advice on Women
We see this in the manosphere and the objectification of women as products to be used.
Young men are not yet experienced enough in a relationship to understand how it can work. On the other hand, they are getting conditioned by one alpha-bro-sphere that you have to perform to get the girl.
This weird dichotomy of not knowing on how romantic and intimate relationships (can) work and the human drive for desire and connections creates a void that usually:
a) is answered by easy and effortless advice and
b) by projecting this insecurity externally, in our case, towards women.
And this insecurity leads to the fantasy of the Low Body Count Obsession or the “Madonna”. Your “Madonna” must be submissive, must have a low body count and always look good for you. And this has nothing to do with “stability” or potential for “family” or any other excuses young men tell themselves. It is simple:
If a woman has a low body count this means that she has no experience, as a result she can not compare her current romantic partner with other people. It is not about “respect”, it’s about young men trying to dominate on women that have no experience and nothing to compare to. It’s a quick win without having to do the work with themselves. Fast and easy, with no actual inner work, the same way “internet” tells them to get rich quick.
Because let’s face it, most (older) dads are not equipped for “the talk”, to guide their sons on how to treat women, teach them how to show “respect” towards other people. Their dads did not talk to them either way.
Free Market Eroticonomics
…and here comes the corrosion called “neoliberalism”, because everything is owned and everything can be sold. Men are also “brands” that must “sell” themselves (again, the performance aspect) to other men, to bosses and of course to other women. Everyone buys, and everyone sells, because we apply the logic of “ownership” in anything… even ourselves.
This is why and how ownership is also expressed in relationships and sexual life. Now our relationships have adapted to the free market ideas and terminology. We constantly say the “dating market”, swipe left or swipe right, you review the product to buy or move forward. And here is the trick: (even subconsciously) We know that in markets someone is usually taking the “better deal” and someone is “being taken advantage of”. An alpha male cannot “lose” on a deal, so the more submissive the woman is, the better the deal he gets.
There is no easy way to happiness and intimacy.
- It needs communication, work with our inner fears and insecurities.
- It requires empathy and closeness, openness and honesty.
- It is hard, not easy at all, but it is worth it.
- It is earned, not owned. If it is earned, it stays with you. If it is owned, it can be stolen.
As they say:
“Happy wife, happy life”!
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